For better or for worse?

I've been sitting here for like an hour now, wanting to write something, but not getting a single thought. So, finally I thought why not just do what I am good at. Scribble. Write just anything, without thinking. Why is is that sometimes we get so numb, with no thoughts no responses to anything? Why isolation feels better than being with people? Maybe I know the reason for feeling this way, there's only one reason for me always. But, this is not how it should be. Why my life comes to a halt without him? I don't feel like talking to anyone, I keep on going more and more into loneliness, and this silence keeps drawing on to me. So much, that I feel suffocated, finding it hard to even breathe. Wanting to cry it all out, but unable to. Why!! I don't understand why, whatever I do it turns out to be all wrong, whatever I hope- exactly opposite happens. Is this how things are always going to be for me, all let downs at every point. I don't know how to end this now. The fingers have gotten to typing just anything, I should stop. Yes, I should. Wish I could have a little understanding for me. Wish I wasn't taken wrong at everything. Wish all of it wasn't misunderstood to be selfish!