How have you all been? How is life treating you all? I hope in a good way!
My side, I don’t even want to mention. It’s all the same. Few days back I read my blog backwards, and I noticed that there was a time when all posts were about ‘all work and to time’ rants. So, I have decided that I won’t mention same story again. (I, though, gave a hint- it is the same story!)
It’s Friday, and good part is to come in couple of hours: Weekend :o) This Sunday, I am going to watch ‘Alice in wonderland’ in 3-D. It’d be my 1st 3-D movie. I hope it’s a good movie, and the experience as well turns out to be same. Along with that, I am looking forward to some shopping (not much this time, as I don’t have much left with me – Month end sucks!) I think I should buy a pair of heels now. It’s been over an year (after my accident) since I wore one. Oh! I also have to buy a gift for my sister. Shit! I am broke. I’ve got no money! (Dear salary, please come soon. I’m waiting desperately for you,…
If I turn back and see, in the past few years, I have seen a lot, learnt a lot, experienced a lot.
I know how things are, how people act, how everything's so prioritized, how they let you down, how expectations hurt.
I have been through it, and I understand that very well.
But, why do I fail to put it into my way of life?
Why I forget all those lessons when I should have remembered the most?
Why do I trust, love, Why do I believe?
I feel I am caught in this vicious circle, all blame to me of course, that I always expect and then fail, learn lessons but again take chances, expect and again fail.
Always end up being at square One, from where I had started. I just hate myself for that!
It's been a long time since I last sat back to jot down things I am thankful for.
Finally, thought of doing it.
Right now I am feeling thankful for:
1. My roommate
2. Weekend ahead
3. New followers
4. Little calls I get
5. A good response from my Team Lead
6. The last book I read
7. Seeing my all time favorite movie after a long time
"Mature love" What does this term mean? I am a bit confused about it. Can anyone help me with that? The reason I have brought it up is that, I and my roommate were talking on some random things, and somehow landed on this term, for which she was explaining something that I just didn't seem to follow. I mean, I have always pictured love to be silly, crazy, and things like that. (Maybe the credit goes to all fiction that I read.) But, seriously, I have always felt that it's important to be young at heart, being crazy, ready to fight for and take risks for the one you love. Allowing the course of life to settle in romance, giving way to responsibilities to come and disturb the sweetness of life is something I never ever supported. But, talking to her, it was like a whole new side to it. Something that I maybe never thought of. I think she didn't mean that one should stop being silly, the point she was trying to make was (I think I'm right) that whether we want or …
I've been sitting here for like an hour now, wanting to write something, but not getting a single thought. So, finally I thought why not just do what I am good at. Scribble. Write just anything, without thinking. Why is is that sometimes we get so numb, with no thoughts no responses to anything? Why isolation feels better than being with people? Maybe I know the reason for feeling this way, there's only one reason for me always. But, this is not how it should be. Why my life comes to a halt without him? I don't feel like talking to anyone, I keep on going more and more into loneliness, and this silence keeps drawing on to me. So much, that I feel suffocated, finding it hard to even breathe. Wanting to cry it all out, but unable to. Why!! I don't understand why, whatever I do it turns out to be all wrong, whatever I hope- exactly opposite happens. Is this how things are always going to be for me, all let downs at every point. I don't know how to end this now. The f…
Today I finished reading this book, At first sight, and when I finished I was in tears. Those who have read this book might understand me. It was really heart-breaking towards the end. I can't even think of loosing the ones I love. It's a bad bad thing and I wish it never happens to anyone. Never. The book was good, but I hate it for its end. The only good it did was to remind me, how lucky I am to have my loved ones with me, and I wish all of them remain with me, healthy and safe. If ever anyone has to go, I would want it to be me! I'm thankful for this reminder. In the race of life, we tend to overlook the important and special things of life. Just after I finished the book, and got myself to composure, my hands went for my wallet on their own, to reach for the letter, the only letter he has given me ever. I did not even read it, having it in my hands I realized how much I am missing him here. My eyes again filled up, but it's no point getting sad and crying, for I kn…
Yesterday morning, after I said my prayers, I asked God to make the day pass by quickly. And, guess what, he really did listen! The day just flew by, with little work, lots of breaks and some fun events. In the end, it was one of the best days at office. Thank you!
Now, its Saturday. Weekend. And this time, it's time to pamper myself. Something that hasn't been done in quite some time now. I'll relax and take break from everything. Cellphones included. It seems like ages since I last had this lazy relaxed weekend. All this time, with so much work to do, every weekend goes by in a blink of eye.
So is the life going! Too fast to stop by and savor moments. Work. Eat. Sleep. And so on. It's getting hard to catch up with family and friends, like I should be doing. Even making calls seems like a big task, with little time and so much work to do.
Why is time flying so fast? I want to pause things for a while. This isn't how it should be! Life should go slow, like a long …
I don't know why, but I am not feeling good. Maybe, I kno why. But that's not the point. Point is, I should not be feeling like this. There's nothing bad or sad happened to me. Things, though hectic, but are going fine. But, even then, I feel like quitting this job and going back home. When I think of the idea practically, it's not feasible. I mean what would I do after this? Study again? Again prepare for entrance exams? That's not something I really want to do. Then what? Sitting idle at home, surfing internet to find something that would interest me someday. Too risky!! In the end, my practical mind tells me I should stay here, continue with work, have experience, blah blah, it's just a phase that will pass etc etc. But. My heart still doesn't agree. I want to go, back to my home. Most of the times I find myself questioning myself, 'What are you doing here?' and I get no answer to that!
What to do! What to do! What to do!