There I was: a story

There I was.

Standing in the midst of the hustling crowd, all excited faces around me, all waiting for a change - a new start. Some of them might want a new life, a new career, a new direction or maybe even a new love, but they all had one thing in common - all they wished was to leave behind their past full of mistakes and bad memories, a past filled with betrayals and broken hearts, a past that witnessed all disappointments and let downs. They wanted to put it all behind them, and start over new. They all needed to move on, just as this night would leave behind the darkness and turn into a beautiful canvas, with sparkles all over it, in few minutes.

Yes, it's the New Year's Eve party. And I could see all eyes around me carrying that sparkle in them, ready to take risks, ready to go for another adventure, to face their fears, to dare playing with their hearts again. I was wondering what I was doing there, I had no one to be with, no one to kiss at the new year. God knows what was I thinking when I accepted Amy's invitation for the party. And now, I was all alone in a crowd of over two hundred and fifty people, feeling more lonely than ever. I was the odd one out- having no real friend to talk to, no special one to hold hands, no one at all- where people around me were wrapped up in arms of their loved ones, tinkling glasses to the time of celebration, laughing, dancing, loving the moment. This all made me feel even more suffocated, and I felt like I would throw up. I wanted to leave that very moment, but I had to wait. My roommate had gone out with her boyfriend, and she was to pick me up on their way home. And, that would mean more than one hour at this place. No. I couldn't take this any more. I couldn't stand all that happiness around, when I didn't feel any of it inside me. It was like a hollow, a hole in my heart. It was more than I could take, so I decided to leave on my own.

"Cece!"

I turned back to see who it was. I wish I hadn't heard that in all the noise. But I did hear it, and had turned around.

It was Liz. One of the very few people who just get on my nerves as soon as they open their mouth.

"Oh Hi!", I said waving to her. "Oh my! That's a surprise to see you here. I hadn't expected that you will accept this invitation, knowing that it's Our party. You know what I mean, right? Well, it's good you finally decided to come out of your bubble. Enjoy the drinks!"

And, as she must have wanted, her comment got me. I barely managed to smile at her, and turned around to do what I was about to do. Leave. I was fuming with anger for what she had said.

Yes, I know it was 'their' party. The popular ones. There was a time when I, too, was a part of them. Yes, we had been friends, at least I thought so. But, over the past few months things, a lot had happened and the things weren't the same anymore. And, when I couldn't take it anymore, I left. Like I was about to do now.

But, things never go as expected in my case.

Just as I was about to leave that place, there was a bang. It was midnight. New Year.

And I saw him, right in front of me.

Last New Year's eve dawned on me, when we were together, we both, we- the popular ones. I don't know if I really loved him, or I just loved the idea of being with the most popular guy of school. But, it did feel great. All that attention, it makes you feel very important and powerful.

Another bang!

He was still there, but not with me. Another girl, trying to be the popular one, in his arms, kissing the new year.

Nothing has really changed. Same people. Same dreams. But a different me. The day I decided to be 'me' again, I knew I'd have to face obstacles. But, I forgot that I had gone to join them. And I made the mistake- I expected. I thought they'd understand, I thought we were friends. And now, there I was. All alone.

Done with trust, done with friendship.

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